To Hurt or Be Hurt?

There are times we come to those decisions which we must choose to do, or not to do something. It wasn't too long ago which out of nowhere, my heart just starts to race a little bit. Just by sitting beside this girl who I have known not too long ago and conversing a word or two, I begun to develop a crush on her. And ever since then there were times I tried to talk to her more, but the old habit emerges again. Where I would either talk but talk foolish stuff, or can't talk normally with her at all. Its always like this that I just can't have a real conversation with those who I have a crush on. And it makes me wonder how on earth did I have that courage before to face confidently and chase after my ex. Some people tell me to just go for her and ask her out etc. I probably would have but some major factors became an obstacle to that.
One is that I am about to leave Australia soon. And whether or not I am coming back, that will be God's decision. Because at the moment I felt that I should probably go to Singapore instead. These were the 2 choices I would have to take after returning to Malaysia. And because of this, I need to consider the fact that I will never be returning to Australia again. So I may confess to her and all, but in the end whats the point? And to think selflessly for a moment. How would she feel if I did that? It could be disturbing to her. It could be she responds in a similar way. But eventually its still not gonna be a good ending. Its true people tell me that I may regret it in the future if I didn't confess. But its also possible that I may actually live to regret it as well if I did confess.
The other factor concerns my decision to go to Singapore. (This is the part you wanted to know Ailing) I get debating responses as to which country is better for me to proceed seeking a career right after I finish my semester and graduate. To tell you the truth, I wasn't one bit concerned about the comparison of work advantage between Melbourne and Singapore. It is the same reason why I wasn't sure to choose Singapore or Australia after graduating and letting God make the decision for me. I haven't got the answer I prayed for yet. But until I do get a clear answer from Him, I'm sticking with Singapore in the meantime. I guess the reason is because of my foolish sense of hope, that I would some day by God's will meet with my ex again. Because even at this moment, I still love her. And its more than just a crush to a girl I met this year in Melbourne. Ever since the devastation of being left without any real explanation, for 2 months I was so depressed that I didn't care if a ticking bomb was attached to me. Even though now I've pretty much recovered from that, I have not forgotten about her for even 1 day. And to think that even though I still deeply love my ex and that I had a crush on another girl, I feel sick of myself. I felt like a two-timing bastard. I therefore in the end chose to take the path that I would have a chance to see my ex again. I chose to grab that small glimpse of hope to reunite with the one who I ever truly loved even though the chances are almost impossible. Because if I choose to stay in Melbourne, its as good as declaring that I have totally forgotten she ever existed in my life.